If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
