So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
