there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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