You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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