I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize