Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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