I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
