I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
