You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
