Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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