he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just cropdusted the office
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
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You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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