Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
