Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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