Don't make out with my wife yet
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize