I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
