oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
