Your face is a jimmy john
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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