I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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