We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
