I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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