ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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