dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
