I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
