Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
