I wish I could teleport
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
