Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my shit smells like andre
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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