I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
