he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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