doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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