Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
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Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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