My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
