I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
People in love make me want to vomit
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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