Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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