could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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