I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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