so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
