Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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