hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My pussy is not your playground.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just had sex on a roof
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
