Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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