he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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