How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
