I love black thongs
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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