My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
