I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
