I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
