Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
accomplished twins. life is a go
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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