Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
