i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
