i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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