i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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