She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
