Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
