i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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