ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
