You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
