Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
