We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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