just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I could fuck to npr.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
