remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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