I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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