I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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