who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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