I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
