I'm going to jail i love you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
