Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
