And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
