you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
