3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
