You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
