Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
