I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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