why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
