true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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