its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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